So Long Vowels, We Hardly Knew Ye

I’m not much of a text messager… er, messenger…whatever.  Point is, I primarily use my phone as, get this: a phone (gasp!).  There are several reasons why I use the spoken word in lieu of the abbreviated word, but the main reason is that I don’t understand “text language”.  Unfortunately for me, I was raised in an English-speaking household.  Little did my parents know how ill-prepared this would leave me for life in the 21st century.  I grew in in a world of phonics, punctuation, and capitalization.  These will soon be relics of a forgotten era.  Sad, but true.

I’m not as down on texting as a form of communication as I used to be.  There are times when I need to get a message to someone who I know can’t answer their phone at that particular moment.  In those situations, I will send a text.  What baffles me are people who have entire conversations through text messaging.  In order to do this, you have to have a phone in your hand.  The person with whom you’re communicating has to have a phone in their hand.  Seems like a quick dialing of a few numbers could save people a lot of trouble.  I’m pretty sure that’s why the phone was invented, wasn’t it??  However, typing out every single individual thought you want to share with a person would take forever.  To get around this, serial texters have devised a cunning plan.  That plan involves the complete and total butchering of the English language.



I’m not sure when numbers and letters merged into a single unintelligible basis of language, but I must have been absent that day.  The infuriating part of all this is that it is escaping the medium of text messaging and infiltrating other forms of communication.  I’ve read conversations between two people on Facebook that didn’t contain a single word that can be found in any dictionary.  I’m sure that kids these days would have attempted to abbreviate actual speech if drunk people hadn’t already beaten them to it.

Let’s bring this all back to what is really important, namely me.  The reason I don’t send many text messages myself is because it takes me forever to do it.  The reason?  I insist on using correct spelling, capitalization, and punctuation (I’m sure my former English teachers are wondering why I didn’t adopt a similar policy in high school).  However, this is not an attempt to better myself.  I do it simply out of spite.  Hey, progress is progress.

I’ll end with a Public Service Announcement.  If I am behind you in my car and I’m stuck going 10 mph below the speed limit because you are trying to text while driving, I will spin you into the median without the slightest bit of remorse as a favor to my fellow motorists.  Not that you’ll stop texting of course…I can see it now:

“OMG im ttly facin d rong direkshun ryt now!!!”

Comments?  Just call me.



One Response to “So Long Vowels, We Hardly Knew Ye”

  1. I must say, I’m a huge fan of communicating via text – whether this be using a phone, a computer, or even a piece of paper, it doesn’t matter too much to me; I’m just not a big talker. But all of my text-based communication is coherent, unabbreviated, and hopefully spelt correctly.

    I worry a little bit about “the kids these days”, as I’m about to pop out my first sprog. What kind of world will she grow up in? Will she value understandable communication as much as her mother? I hope so!

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